Monday, February 16, 2015

Time to Live

I have been back and forth with the idea of blogging about my experience with Postpartum Depression (PPD), and I have tried to write up potential posts, however it has been hard to complete.  I thought and thought about how to write the posts but none of them were ever completed.  And I was unsure why they were not coming together.

Back at the beginning of the month, I have attended the IF: Gathering that was held at my awesome church.  I was looking forward to going to this event ever since I have registered back in January.  Well, all I can say is that the word that was shared on those nights were GREAT!! (In my Tony the Tiger voice)  The Holy Spirit convicted me and gave me my 2015 word of the year.  LIVE!!!

One of the speakers asked the question, “What dead things are you holding on to?”  That spoke volume.  I have been holding onto my illness far too long.  I have been blaming my illness on my lack of trust and faith in God.  I have been allowing my illness to control me!  This illness has hurt my family, drove me crazy, and even drove a wedge in my relationship.  While the speaker was speaking and praying, and while the Holy Spirit was convicting me, tears were shed.  Of course, these were happy tears and tears of joy!  I have been praying about how to deal with this illness, but not asking God to heal me from this illness.  I have been asking God how I can share my experience with PPD, but forgetting how I can share to others how God can heal and deliver those who are suffering from PPD. 

I am so glad I decided to attend and I am so glad that I can actually live! I can bury Postpartum Depression and live.  I know that this will not be an easy task but you know what dealing with postpartum depression wasn’t a walk on easy street. 

I know that only way to live is to turn my focus onto Lord.  The only thing I need to be dwelling in, is the Lord.  He got me through this horrible stage in my life and dwelling in him and praising him is the only way I can say thank you!!

Rather than deciding how to share my experience with a deadly disease I need to LIVE!!! I need to share my faith and how God is a healer, deliverer, a friend, a savior!!

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